funny stories -Special Fried Rice

Special Fried Rice
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	It really is wonderful here in Thailand. Not even slightly similar to Europe (especially the UK) or the US or Australia. It’s always warm (hot for most Euro domiciles), even when they come here during mid winter in Thailand. November to about Feburary. 32C every day here with no rain and about 5C there with blizzards. It amazes me that we in the same hemisphere. But enough of morbid comparisons, we’re on holiday ! Jomtien beach, 6pm. ,watching the sunset over Koh Larn (Larn Island). Three good Mates with three gorgeous ladies who’s cumulative age would barely reach one of ours, imbibing in a plethora of Singhas and a variety of “lady drinks”…..mostly “Spy”. Craig, my Scottish Mate, decides he’s hungry. Man of habit is Craig. Comes 7pm it’s “time to eat”, Gotta eat NOW” ! So, in deference to Craig’s massive, seemingly instant hunger, we “ Check Bin” the beach and the six of us climb into the first SongTaew (baht bus) for Pattaya. About 15 mins later we’re strolling along “Walking Street” looking at the amazing sights there. Old Farangs with their 30 year old shorts on, long black sox and a ridiculous singlet shirt. Huge smile on their faces with a beautiful Thai maiden in a mini mini skirt draped on his liver spotted arm…….what a sight ! Old Western couples, both in their late 50’s, she about 85kg with the mandatory dyed short hair and a scowl on her face and henpecked he, about half her weight, not knowing where to look……poor buggar ! But Craig didn’t notice any of these sights. He’s HUNGRY. A restaurant is his immediate priority. We’re all seated, menus in hand with the three girls ordering whatever, we can’t understand. I ordered a Green Curry and Craig wanted Fried Rice with Chicken (Cow Pad Gai). Many years ago in Australia a lot of Chinese restaurants sprang up. Generally very average food featuring Sweet and Sour Chicken, Chicken with Cashew nuts and “Special” Fried Rice with Chicken (CowPad Gai). So, Craig orders “Special” fried rice. The Thai waiter, of course, has NO idea what Craig is talking about. He only picks up the “Rice”. The food arrives I dribs and drabs and eventually Craig is presented with a plate featuring a solitary serve of steamed rice. You know, the upturned bowl look. Craig, the hungriest of us all, is seriously pissed off. The Scottish in him comes out. NO !!!!.....I want “SPECIAL” fried rice !! They remove his plate and the rest of tuck into the delicious array of Thai delicacies the girls have ordered. Craig watches us, his face a mild shade if pink. He’s really hungry now. But a proud man all the same. About 5 mins the waiter re emerges and ceremoniously places a larger plate in front of Craig. This time with TWO serves of steamed rice….”Special” indeed. Craig totally loses it “ I said SPECIAL FRIED RICE you F***ing MORON !!!! I notice a few Thai staff peering out from the kitchen, pissing themselves laughing. The five of us vainly attempt to control out mirth. The waiter hastily retreats with the rice and the eating, except for Craig, continues. At this stage Craig’s face looks like he has recently ingested about 4 Viagra. Another subtle 5 min wait and, the waiter, barely able to control himself brings the biggest plate in the restaurant out. FOUR serves of rice beautifully decorated with pineapple, celery and about 15 chillies sticking out of it. All the Management and staff are in on it now…….hysterics all round. Who said Thais don’t have a sense of humor. posted by permission from the author -Rex